Greetings Denizenry and Wannabes,

	On Labour Day weekend 1993 the 0th annual DoD Ottawa Assault
was held in Ottawa, Ontario and Aylmer, Quebec.  A good crowd
of Denizens were in attendance and all the usual sorts of things
took place.  I won't do a complete summary of all events; rather,
I'll just list who was there and a few anecdotes about each.
Apologies in advance to those whose names I spell incorrectly
or forget, or to other attendees whom I've forgotten completely!


Mike "Beav" ("Bev") Beavington (V65 Sabre, "Velociraptor")
	Mike and his wife were our hosts for the weekend.
Mike is an amiable sort who can't seem to decide for sure
how to pronounce either his surname or his nickname.
He was recently released from prison where the "Bev" nickname
was particularly favoured.  As a special treat for the neighbours,
Mike swapped the loud competition muffler on to the Hindle pipe
on his bike.   Mike narrowly escaped injury when drywall he
was installing in his garage attacked him prior to the event.
Fortunately, no drywall fell while we were there, or Mike would
have faced a fate worse than death after the Denizens crawled
out from under the wreckage of their bikes.   Mike makes a
great blueberry pancake.


Carrie "Bookin'" Gallo
	Mike's wife.  A gracious hostess, not intimidated for
long by a loud group of Denizens swarming the house.  She quickly
caught on and was able to reduce the gang to laughter with
the utterance of a single word: "bookin'".   We weren't sure
how well she handled the clamour though, since she was prone
to prolonged disappearances.  This may have been to escape
the cacophony, or (as we suspect) she may have repeatedly got 
lost in the gigantic sprawling house she and Mike built.
Big thank yous to Carrie and Mike for hosting the event!


Keith "Seldane" Hanlan  (K75S)
	Keith was a co-host who planned the Saturday ride
through the Gatineau hills and surrounding countryside in 
Quebec.  Desbide being pragdiggly unable to breade from
allergies the whole weegend, Keef showed us how fast
and smoodly one can propel a bike droo dwisty bumpy roads
covered in gravel and slow traffig.  Nobody was bookin'
as fast as Keith.


Anne Soucy
	Keith's wife.  Knew better than to mingle with
a bunch of crazed Denizens for the Saturday evening party,
she appeared on Sunday for brunch.


Dave "red and fast" Dal Farra	(GPz750)
	Dave was another full tilt rider who wouldn't let
double yellow lines and oncoming traffic prevent passing.
He's doing audio research at BNR into how to stop his GPz (with
Yosh pipe?) and the Hindle pipe on Mike's Sabre from making so 
much noise.  Did his best to keep bookin' along right behind Keith.
Admires any bike as long as it is red and fast.


Dan "is she fourteen yet?" Bullock (Hawk GT)
	Dan was our long-distance champ, riding up from New Joisy
with a load of corn on the cob and a bag full of IBM OS/2 key fobs
or something.  The corn was well received.  The IBM stuff wasn't :-)
Not long into the Saturday ride, Dan demonstrated an advanced
technological feature of his Hawk: a quick release front brake
caliper.  Unfortunately, the Hawk was in motion at the time
of the caliper's removal from the fork.  Fortunately, this did
not result in a crash.  Unfortunately, the bolts were somewhere
in the ditch a ways back.  Fortunately, the other Denizens took
a mere eight or nine hours at the side of the road to figure
out who was going to go ahead and who would stay and help Dan
get his bike back to Mike's.   When not watching his bike
self-disassemble along the highway, Dan's main concern
was whether or not the cute French girls at the service
stations were older than 14.   Dan seemed very enamoured
with the female RCMP officer who posed for photos with
us during our conquest of Parliament Hill, so we had to
tell him that she was under 14 to keep him from hopping
up on the horse with her.


Glenn Bruneau (750 Katana) bruneau@bnr.ca
	While I'd never met Glenn before, I'm led to understand
that he lived up to his reputations of (a) dropping his bike
(well, almost, but not quite), and (b) not quite being on
schedule.  Glenn was often seen still in his shorts and bare
feet while the rest of the gang was saddled up and ready to ride.
Glenn insists that he missed the Saturday ride because of
having to go into town for some money to buy gas, not because
he was late getting away from Mike's house with the rest of us.
Keith noticed Glenn's absence (although how he did this while
several miles ahead at high speed I can't figure out) and went
back to get him while Mike led the tour for a while.


Norm "It's not a collection" Young	(NS400R)
	Norm's toughest challenge in life is deciding which
bike to take to any given event.  It's surprising he has
time to ride at all in between doing regular maintenance
on his collection -- oh, sorry, it's not a collection --
of NS400R, ST1100, CBX 6 cylinder, CB1100F, and Triumph Bonneville.
Probably winner of the most-gawked-at, most-test-ridden bike award, 
Norm was another very fast rider despite the NSR's not working
quite right above 7000 rpm yet.  Norm's easy to find: the blue
colour of his Aerostitch coordinates nicely with the blue clouds
of two-stroke exhaust trailing behind him.


Jack Tavares	(BMW, I forget the model, not a K)
	Jack cannot be summed up in one nickname.  Jack was
the only guy I would have been able to identify immediately
without knowing anything about him.  One look says "this guy
is a Jack Tavares".  I don't know why.   Jack admitted to
being very bad at French.  The only words he could say
well were "Kaybek", "quatorze", and "surete!".  Jack had extreme
cognitive difficulty with the concept of a two-stroke three
cylinder V engine in Norm's NSR.  While the squidly types
drooled over it, Jack shook his head in complete confusion,
exclaiming "a V *three*?  A triple V?  Shouldn't that make
it a W?" and so on over and over.  However, guess who was
the last of the long line of test pilots to take the NSR
for a spin?  Methinks he doth protest too much.


Jacquie Tavares	(Suzuki Savage)
	The only person who could dish it out as much as Jack.
She'd have to be, to survive as his wife I guess.  Or maybe
touring on a 650cc thumper does that to you, or maybe
being an ex-army person, or maybe all of the above, I dunno.
Hope it didn't rain on the way back to New Hampsha, or
there's a Savage up for grabs now.


Luc Marcouiller	(Ninja 900)
	Luc est un Denizen qui connait un grand nombre des
autres Denizens, par-ce-qu'il a voyage a Californique,
et a Europe.  C'etait tres gentil de Luc a conduire lentement
de temps en temps pour voir que les backmarquers ne manque
pas les squiddes (ca veut dire Keith) le samedi matin.
Quand c'est necessaire, quand-meme, Luc est presque fou
comme les squiddes.   Luc aime bien bruler et flamber les gens qui
ne peut pas parler francais correctment; alors, Luc,
voici ta chance de me flamber!  (Ou est mon Nomex?)


Ashok Soni (CB250 I think)
	Gotta give this big guy credit for making the trip
up on the small Honda.  Despite the tombstone windshield,
he looked like he was still taking quite a wind blast
when I rode with him for a bit on the ride home.  Ashok
was the only traveller from Toronto area with enough brains to
avoid the torrential rain and horrendous traffic jams
that plagued the 401 on Friday.  Unlike me.


Andy "hit me" K.L. Pang (CB-1)
	Andy appeared on Saturday evening with his face
all bandaged up from being pummeled in karate class.
He plans to continue to black belt level before giving it all
up for a less abusive sport.  Like aikido.


Alain Galarneau (GS550 or something like that)
	Alain is one of those guys who has ridden
everything and knows lots of people who know lots
of people who have lots of connections and get great
deals on stuff and build tons of full-on race bikes
and all that.  Regaled us with tales of running from
the cops at 280 km/h on his GSXR-1100.  He was sort of
hard to understand at times because his speech was
impaired by drooling over Norm's NS400R.  Norm must have
been eventually convinced by Alain's stories, because
Alain got the first demo ride on the NSR, during which
he blitzed past the house at 170 km/h in a 50 zone.
Give him credit for bringing it back in one piece.
Heck, give him credit for just bringing it back!


Lise _____
	Alain's girlfriend whom he stole from her previous
boyfriend after impressing her by crashing his bike with her on
the back.  Hmmm, didn't Mike and Keith both say they crashed
with their now-wives (then-girlfriends) on their first date?
I guess if you break her, you have to keep her.
Women -- who can figure them out?  "Hey, this guy's klutzy
enough to crash with me on the back of his bike on our
first date.  Definite marriage material!"


Scott "Baffle Blower" Pace	(Suzuki GS850G? (GR650 Tempter previous))
	Scott's Suzuki shares a common trait with the aforementioned
auto-caliper-ejecting Hawk GT of Dan's -- it ejects parts spontaneously
during riding.  Rather than calipers, Scott's bike blows baffles
out the back of the exhaust.  It's hard to see the muffler for
all the spot-welds from repaired baffles.  Another of Scott's
idiosyncracies is his determination to project onto others
those feelings he has himself, especially with respect to
innocent young female passengers whose boyfriends' bikes
are on the verge of collapse from half a dozen or more dangerously
neglected maintenance chores.  While certain other Denizen(s)
merely sought to help her pass the time amicably while waiting
for a swarm of other Denizens to resurrect the near-dead bike
on her boyfriend's behalf, Scott seems to secretly wish it
had been him so he could have gone far beyond this and made the 
all-important 14-year-old inquiry.  Lest I seem too harsh on
Scott, let it be said that this idiosyncracy pales in comparison
to rumours that certain other unnamed Denizen(s) struck fear into
the poor thing's heart by suggesting she have a priest ready for 
the inevitable crash'n'burn on the ride down the mountain.  
Such terror infliction!  And she didn't even have a tennis ball!


Robyn "I wanna VFR" Landers	(V45 Sabre)
	Hey, I resemble that remark!  Thought nothing could
possibly go wrong after all the bad luck of brutal traffic
jams and pouring rain all the way from Waterloo (that's
Waterloo, not Toronto!) to Ottawa.  Blamed Saturday's
less than squidly performance on wobbly handling induced
by squared off rear tire.  Sounds lame, I know, but Mike
will corroborate the squared off tire.   Seems to have
difficulty dealing with trucks appearing in oncoming lane
while leaned over in gravel-strewn frost-heaved narrow
blind shaded rise-cresting shoulderless corners at high speed.
Luck seemed to be improving when Norm Young described a great
route to take home, but, after spending considerable
time near or at DoD nominal speed while swooping through
smooth clean sweepers and twisties in the early part
of the trip, wound up frustrated just before entering
the best section of road when the Sabre's transmission
decided it liked third gear so much it wanted to stay
there permanently.   Limped 200 miles home in 3rd gear
at 90 km/h and 7500 rpm.    Instead of taking off work
to fix the bike, is now taking off work to write up this report
for your general amusement.




	There you have it folks, the cast of characters
for the DoD Assault on Ottawa.  I'll leave it to others
to write up the events.   It was a fun event, and if you
weren't there, you should have been.  Thanks again to
the perpetrators oops I mean organizers for their
planning and hospitality.


SPECIAL NOTE OF HISTORICAL SIGNIFICANCE

	One day destined to go down in history was the day
the Denizens conquered Canada.  We proceeded in a denizenly
fashion to Parliament Hill, where we lined up all the bikes
in a row on the promenade and announced to the world
that we hereby declare that we have taken over Canada.

	Nobody noticed, so we gave it back.



-----
Robyn Landers                      | "Any profit should go to Arnie's `get the
rblanders@math.uwaterloo.ca        |  daemon carved on Mount Rushmore' fund."
Denizen 0051,  KotV4               |       - Marty Albini, DOD0550
VF750S Sabre (his) FZX750 Fazer (hers)